The best way to get into office in the swing state of Iowa, the “Tall Corn State”,
is for you to have the last name of DeKalb. Name recognition is everything!
And the best part is that you don’t have to spend one bit of PAC money for the
campaign. You can even abscond with your fair share and lavish it up on a vacation,
perhaps on an Italian cruise. DeKalb signs are everywhere . . . along main arteries
and major side roads. The effect result is that of a truly “corn roots approach.” After
all, the corn plant stands solidly in the grass family and “grass roots campaigning”
strikes the heart of the American psyche.
All you have to do is to have your name legally changed to DeKalb, drop a hint that
you have relatives that are DeKalbs, sit back and wait for the election results to pour
in, and watch for the “DeKalb Wins Handily” headline banners to appear!
So underhanded this approach seems to be. It could never happen in this land of
"the home of the free, the land of gravy for the 99%, and safety nets for all except
for those who really need them.”
Written about a week after National Groundhog Day, dooming
us to six more months of blatant, blood-letting, name bashing.
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