GREAT SCOTT ! ! COULD IT REALLY BE ? ?

On the average, at least once a day (for some folks it may be more) it comes to my attention that each square of our "septic safe" toilet paper tissue has become quite small. The shrinkage may have happened gradually. Usually, I don't pay much attention to things like that.

BUTT, this is of major concern and may have many ramifications. (Come to think about it, does the word "butt" have one or two t's?)

So, I carefully measured a square of tissue paper from the current supply. Here is what I discovered . . .
     
            The piece measured:  4  1/8th inches in width and 3  5/8's inches in length.

Furthermore, the square of tissue is very flimsy. I seem to remember that the individual tissues to have been quite hefty. No wonder then that I now have to unroll at least three thicknesses to do an adequate job. And then, I discovered that the diameter of each toilet paper tube is considerably wider. For a moment, I entertained the possibility that this larger diameter was just for the one I had measured at random. So, I went down on my knees and pulled out another roll from the lower storage cabinet.

             The diameter was identical . . . Amazing !

Becoming ever curious, I went to the Internet and Googled to see if other folks were experiencing the same phenomena.

                  THEY WERE . . . ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

Several web sites agreed that the changes had indeed occurred and that people are simply abuzz.

The original tissue-square size had been 4 1/2 inches by 4 1/2 inches.   An actual square!
Furthermore, it was reported by users that the tube size had significantly increased in diameter.

I wonder if  SCOTT is aware of all of this and have any corporate long or short-term plans to return back to the original product and, this time, call it  "SCOTT'S ORIGINAL."

That might possibly even give a boost to both on-line and in-store sales!

UNPRECEDENTED GUM-BUYING SURGE REPORTED (A satirical writing)

(I have been very upset about all the shootings, and the worship of guns and weapons in our country
  and across the world.  I know that I am not the only one . . .  
  This satirical writing is one way that I try to deal with my feelings, by trying to be humorous. I hope is
  is not offensive.)                      -Clem J. Nagel

Market Analysts report an unparalleled nation-wide surge in the purchase of gum with crowds flocking to area "gum shows."

        Brands included in the Market Report Analysis include: Bazooka, Big Red, Cinnaburst,
        Dentyne, Doublemint, Dubbie Bubble, EclipIce, Excel, Freedent, Hubba Bubba, Hoodia
        Gum, Orbit, Tidalwave, Trident, Turbo, and Zapp Gum.

According to gum-maker industry executives, buyers are deluging stores in search of unusually potent varieties of gum as well as high capacity chewing gum packs. All this, even allowing for spikes in gum sales that predictably follow increases in gas prices. This dramatic uptick in demand comes within just the last month.

The National Gum Association (NGA) says that of special note are the record runs on "military-style' gums (products augmented with special whiteners and brighteners) that assault teeth with promises to wipe out and eliminate "problems" overnight. Some outlets report the highest sale of gum are those in high-capacity canisters designed for the Chiclet A48's that can hold as many as 48 gums at a time.

All this emptying of shelves market-fury is leading consumer demands for sweeping proposals to revise existing gum control laws. Included are:  more strict background checks prior to purchase;  on-site customer exams with special attention given to loose teeth, unstable dentures, and serious overbite.
Improved gum ingredient monitoring is also recommended for future research with specific attention given to higher-than-normal levels of guar gum.

Other future areas of needed gum research are: effects on the alimentary canal from swallowing gum; and how long various brands of gum will perform at optimum efficiency following repeated use.

Meanwhile, gum continues to literally shoot off the shelves and fly out the door in spite of ever-present
and persistent (NGA) gum lobbyist opposition.

CHEW ON THAT!

THE 51ST ANNIVERSARY OF A LANDMARK SURGEON GENERAL REPORT !

It was January of 1964, I was a graduate student at the Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C. and it was announced that the U.S. Surgeon General, Luther Terry, was going to give an address at Baltimore's Johns Hopkins University that coming Saturday, January 11th.

His subject:  the health risks of smoking. There was no question about it . . . I was going to attend!

Ever since childhood, I have been death against smoking. My mom and dad smoked and I had serious asthma. I had such a hard time breathing, that at night I had to sleep propped up by pillows. I loved the out-of-doors and being able to get away from people who smoked. It seemed they were everywhere.

I arrived at the huge, medical school teaching auditorium where the presentation was to take place. I was so impressed by the state-of-the-art, multimedia screens and the theatre-like seating. There I was
in the midst of hundreds of doctors, nurses, medical staff and . . .

the entire room was filled with smoke.

It appeared that most of those who came to hear the report were habitual smokers. It was horrible, but I was determined to stay.  And, I did. Luther Terry's address was most forthright, data-filled, and convincing. Huge photos of lung tissue (before and after smoking) filled the screens.

And the audience smoked through the whole 90 minutes. I was so relieved to be able to leave the building and return back to the out-of-doors.

                              I don't recall if Luther Terry smoked during his talk.

so small

Snowflake so small.

      What do you amount to

                    in the midst of it all?

Have you ever made

       a difference

                    all by yourself?

Of course

       you have . . .

                   and will !

STARTING TODAY

         Morning, New Year's Day
    resolved to brush teeth more than
              once a month or so.

B U M B L E R S

On a cold day, early in November, I noticed
a lone bumblebee clinging to an outdoor window
screen. It was barely moving. Being so cold, I 
knew that it would not bite me . . .  so I stroked 
its back ever so gently. Left alone, it tumbled to 
the ground in the perennial flower garden and
found a secure crevice near the house's foundation 
and disappeared.


                B U M B L E R S

In summer
      bumblebees
             skim through
                   bundles of blooms.

They gather
      sweet
             syrups.
      Load up
             packs fo
                   yellow dust.

Come late fall . . .
      a slowdown to
             survive.

Hibernate on through
      winter's
             sting.

SLAVA . . . WHERE ARE YOU ?

One spring, I was visiting in Tallin, Estonia. I was amazed to
meet up with, and make friends with a person who was a
professor of Russian/English at Moscow University. Slava
was so proud that his newborn child had been born on the
4th of July! At one point, Slava and I found ourselves comparing
customs and beliefs of our respective countries.

I spied a 3-leafed clover growing along the beach walkway, and asked
him if it was his belief that . . . if one found a clover with 4 petals,
that it meant you will be certain to have good luck? As children,
we would play a trick by carefully splitting one of a clover's 3 petals
so that it now had 4, and say: "Hey, look what I found".

Slava replied, "No we don't, but Clem, do you see that lilac over
there? The flowers have 4 petals, right? If you find one with
5 petals . . . it means lots of luck!" We kept on walking for a long
time along the beach and ended up at the once-distant lighthouse.
We stood there at the base of the lighthouse and looked across
at Finland, just eighty miles across the bay. The next day, we would
each return to our homes.

Slava's son would be 35 years old by now.
I trust that he has had lots of luck!

I always will wish we could have kept in touch.