Toothpaste . . .

Toothpaste is not like skim milk or orange juice - items requiring frequent trips to the grocery store. A tube of tooth paste goes a long way. Hence, changes in your favorite brand are likely, since the last time you went toothpaste shopping.

This past week, I used up the last of our toothpaste. Off to the grocery store I went, (for milk and orange juice and other items that had gone missing from our pantry and refrigerator) to investigate my options. When I came to the toothpaste department, I was overwhelmed. I was astounded at the technological improvements that had been made since I bought my last tooth paste.

What product might best suit my needs - my old brand nowhere to be seen?

Rows and rows of toothpaste - all touting their particular value for your pearly whites. And all the boxes were big - nothing that would allow me to fly on an airplane. Did I have sensitive teeth? No, an occasional bowl of ice cream was never a problem - nor a tall glass of something cold and refreshing on a hot day in July. Or hot soup in January.

The various boxes raised other existential questions. Did I want to whiten my teeth, remove plaque and tartar (is there a difference?) or prevent cavities and gum disease? Or simply freshen my breath - which I assumed was fresh enough because people did not back away when I opened my mouth.

Feeling overwhelmed by all the choices, I moved on to the hand lotion department. At least there, I was clearer about what I expected the stuff in the bottle would do. And I did not have high expectations that a particular brand would make me thirty years younger and sexier.

However, there still was this matter of toothpaste. So I returned to the plethora of products. For starters, I asked myself if was there anything I didn't want my toothpaste to do for my teeth.  And I forgot to mention - what flavor did I want to invite my mouth to enjoy.

Lacking a computer with sophisticated statistical analytical tools, I was forced to collate the various factors in my head.  At least I could be methodical about scanning each row of large boxes.

Finally, I reached out and plucked a box from the shelf. I hoped it was a good choice - because the size of the tube meant I would be living with it for some time to come.

Unless that is, I booked a plane flight - and needed toothpaste that met TSA requirements. Wouldn't want someone flying with me who used a toothpaste tube to carry a bomb. Bad breath is enough of a problem, given the increasingly smaller size of seats.

Life is so complicated these days.