Annual Report of the Minnesota Pothole Association (MPA)

The Minnesota Pothole Association (MPA - not to be confused with the Minnesota Psychological Association, whose focus is potholes of the psyche) held their Annual Meeting on Groundhog Day. For those unfamiliar with Minnesota winters, Groundhog Day marks the halfway point of the winter season - and a good time to review that status of potholes. Since the sun had been shining during the day, the promise of only 6 more weeks of winter was received with some disappointment by members of MPA.

Attendance was higher than usual this year, because of increased interest in the state of metro streets and highways. The room buzzed with excitement during the pre-meeting reception, while people enjoyed chocolate-chunk delights and lemonade. Numerous antedotes about personal experiences with potholes (PEPs) were shared with each other.

The meeting was called to order and reports were received. The I-Team began the evening. They had been commissioned to investigate rumors of a ten-foot pothole in Minneapolis. Unfortunately they could not locate this pothole after diligent searching and suspect it is temporarily filled with icy debris. A motion was made and seconded that the I-Team continue to search during the warm weather predicted in the next few days (32 degrees possible). Such a historic sighting needs to be documented.

Next, the Census Committee gave their report. This year has seen a 37% increase in potholes over two feet deep and a 57% increase in smaller varieties. They had spoken with local auto-repair shops, which have seen a rise in structural repairs. It is good to hear, since the abundance of potholes has helped lower Minnesota's unemployment rate below that of warmer states. The Committee proposed that MPA institute a Christmas Pothole Count, emulating the Audubon Society's annual Christmas Bird Count. A subcommittee was appointed to secure space for people to gather and receive their assignments.

A government representative from St. Paul reported on new techniques for filling potholes during cold weather. Trucks are equipped with hot asphalt rather than a colder variety. The hope is that by using heated material, filled potholes will last longer than the usual seven to ten days. Minneapolis declined to send a representative to speak to the group.

The Salt Committee reported that Minnesota is sticking to salt distribution regardless of its ecological impact. Fortunately, the state has declined to use the pickle juice or beet juice being tried in more desperate states. MPA will send their condolences to these states. Imagine the spring landscape tinged with red rather than green, when the snow begins to melt.

Gedney pickle company also expressed their gratitude for continued use of salt, as they feared the stench of vinegar might lower pickle sales when the baseball season begins. Discussion followed regarding the impact of using using pickle juice laced with garlic. Some attendees thought that its use might increase pizza deliveries, thus increasing the number of potholes due to increased traffic. Someone raised the issue of whether the newly-elected Minnesota Republican legislature with its focus of job-creation might pick up on this statistic and introduce a bill requiring use of garlic pickle juice during the remainder of the pothole season. After all it would be a double boost to unemployment - in both the pizza and pothole industries.

The Black Ice Committee had a more somber set of statistics. Although the cold has produced an increased number of potholes, it also has meant more black ice. Combine black ice and potholes and you have a lethal combination. Almost as bad as drunken driving.

The R&D Committee completed the round of reports. MPA's current test projects include the correlation of various makes of vehicles with pothole size. Their findings suggest that size does NOT matter. Speed combined with driver-skill was another issue. Drivers who grew up driving amusement park bumper cars were found to have an edge over other drivers. Drivers with cell phones were in the riskiest group. This latter group spent a greater percentage of their income on auto repairs.

A motion was introduced from the floor to send a letter to President Obama, requesting more highway stimulus dollars. A heated debate followed. Some felt Minnesota ought to start living within its budget and that some of the filling of potholes ought to be shouldered by local neighborhoods. Others felt that the President had enough on his hands with the crisis in the Middle East and that he probably would not read such a letter. Others were enthusiastic about the possibility of more federal money and felt that the year's statistics collected by MPA would support such a proposition. The motion  finally was tabled when it became evident that no satisfactory consensus could be reached.

After some discussion, MPA members voted to retain the current slate of officers, who were commended for doing excellent work over the past year.



Comments welcome. Just click the word comments at the bottom.